Peace Corps Guilt

I find it a bit funny to be writing about feeling guilty when all I want to do is skip.

Today I made actual progress on getting two projects started. One is a workshop for teachers and other interested people in how to manage a library. The other is a class on how to start a small business for youth.

I’ve been working with a funcionario, Luis, in the Muni for the last month and a half, but things aren’t really progressing. The last notable thing he said to me that last time I met with him was ‘We need to think about how much decorations are going to cost!’ I must mention the schools we want to do the project with haven’t even been informed about it and Luis and I haven’t sat down and discussed any of the details for the plan yet.

Anyway, back to guilt and skipping. Many of the volunteers are extremely nice and caring people who are more than willing to do any and everything possible for their community. Seriously, I know one volunteer who teaches typing classes for 6 hours a day everyday. He works with one student each hour because his personal laptop is the only computer in the community. On the other extreme I know of a volunteer who pretty much didn’t leave her house for a month.

For many of us finding work to fill our days is like trying to catch a butterfly…with a blindfold on….in a lightning storm…on a hilltop. It is a bit frustrating. Most of us have found the Munis we were assigned to be, at the very least, unhelpful or at the worst, outright hostile towards working with us. Trying to find someone to work within the community is equally difficult, especially if the community is small or spread out.

We’re told during training that it may take 3-6 months for us to even begin to start finding projects. I’m in month 8 btw. Even with that in mind however, it is really challenging to take someone used to 9-5 work down to… well you might find work in a few months.

Many volunteers feel guilty because we've been sent to the community that supposedly wants to work with us and yet all we do is fix our houses, do chores, hang out with people in the community, read, read, oh and um read. And if you’re lucky like me, you also get to play on the internet.

We feel like we’re letting PC down, or we’re letting the community down, or we’re letting our fellow volunteers down, or we’re letting ourselves down. We want to DO something. Anything! Please!

Sometimes people back in the states will comment about how what we are doing is so amazing and we doing such a good thing. But when you’ve been twiddling your thumbs for almost a year, that is the last thing you want to hear, because it makes the guilt worse because now you’re letting the people back home down too by not actually doing anything amazing yet.

Damn these gosh darn consciences. Why can’t we just be content to mooch?! But alas…no.

Fortunately many other volunteers are either in this stage or have been through it so there is a good support network in place. But most of us don’t live with other volunteers, so we’re on our own day-to-day, trudging through the trenches.

Volunteers all have their own ways of dealing with this. The most common is just leaving site often. However I really like Campo 9. Not working sucks, but I have a really comfortable life here. When I came to PC and went through training, I told myself that I wasn’t going to do projects on my own. I am very confident in my ability to get things done. I don’t have to prove that to myself. No, I decided that if I was going to do a project someone in the community, other than me, had to be in-charge and I would help. I don’t mind being a facilitator, but I am not here to push my own personal projects through. I have ideas, I’ll let people know what they are but I’m not leading the charge. Not this time. Facilitate, yes, pull all nighters and then be the only one at the meeting. No sir.

With this in mind I promised myself that I would wait until I could work someone. I also promised myself that I would not feel guilty about however long it took for that someone to appear. I would do my part by going out of my house and talking to people and being open to work, but I would not push my own agenda. It would only create unsustainable projects and wouldn’t encourage the Paraguayans to break free from the mini-dictator managements style that dominates business and government…

...And so I’ve been waiting, and reading, and playing with Lila, and doing housework, and cooking really tasty food…and waiting. And so I’ve managed to free myself from most, though admittedly not all, of the PC guilt.

No Worries: Just a Little Ole' State of Emergency

While I doubt this will make major headlines back in the states, there have been some recent events here that may look a bit serious to the outside viewer.

President Lugo declared a state of emergency for the country due to the killing of a police officer and three other individuals in the northern part of the country near Concepcion. A local land reform group that has periodically resorted to violence has taken credit for the attacks. As a part of the state of emergency he has sent additional police forces into that area.

Fortunately I am not anywhere near Concepcion and don’t have any reason to go there. The volunteers in that area have been evacuated to the capital for the time being or on ‘Stand-fast’ which means they aren’t allowed to travel around.

So no worries, PC has it handed for the volunteers in the areas of concern, which thankfully doesn’t include me. My life and travels go on as usual.

Help Ahecha!

I have been working with a group called Ahecha Paraguay, which means, “I see Paraguay” (in Guaraní). It is a participatory photography project that puts digital cameras in the hands of Paraguayan youth and fosters artistic exchange between communities. To date, this project has gone a long way towards promoting artistic expression and boosting self esteem among its participants.

We recently won the Peace Corps technology award for our project and local demand for this project has far exceeded our capacity to provideaccess to camera kits.

The wait list is over a year-and-a-half long & our term is for only 2 years. Meaning volunteers who sign up to participate now, will have to wait until about May 2011 to actually start the project!

This is where you come in! We want to buy some more cameras so that we can continue to grow this successful project – and for that, I need your help.

If you want to help out with this project, please donate through the Peace Corps Partnership Program:

https://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=resources.donors.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=526-200

You can read more about the project details by following that link. All donations are tax-deductible, and please remember that even $10 or $20 goes a long way once you exchange it for the local currency, the Guaraní. Our goal is to raise $4,813 by mid-2010.

For more information about the program, please visit our blog at:

http://ahechaparaguay.blogspot.com/.

To view Ahecha photographs selected for this year's national exhibition, please visit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ahechaparaguay/tags/expo/.

Thanks

Rabbits Sneeze

Fun Fact: Rabbits sneeze when they get water up their nose (and its adorable)

I get to be an aunty again! Meet my VAC-mates new puppy Saraki (Sarah-Key)...

It means 'playful' in Guarani.

Ouch!

I think I broke my toe L

I was visiting a friend on the 17^th to help him do a map project with some other volunteers. I remember John telling Carly to watch out for the concrete lip because everyone trips on it. At the time I couldn’t figure out what concrete lip he was talking about.

Guess what? I found it.

I was walking to the bathroom, which was not connected to his house, around 3am. My foot located the mystery 'lip', a bit of concrete on the sidewalk an inch or two higher than the rest. I was doing a quick shuffle back to the house in my flip flops so my big toe hit the concrete full on.

I couldn’t put my shoes on for about 3 days. It still hurts, almost two weeks later, which leads me to assume that its broken not just badly jammed. Also, I have a tendency of ramming it against the legs of my table, which I don't think is going to help the healing process.

(My toe all bandaged up. I've finally gotten used to wearing my flip flops in between the wrong toes )

Granted there isn't really anything to be done about it, but still...no fun

..AND I think that John should find glow in the dark paint and mark the lip, just to help point it out in the future.

Looking for Some Reading Material?

Thus far in PC, I've had quite a bit of reading time. Following is a list of the first 50 books I read along with a rating.

The formatting isn't perfect, but if it looks really crazy try increasing (CNTL +) or decreasing (CNTL -) your view of the page and it all of the books, authors, and ratings should semi line up.

Lamb....................................................Christopher Moore.......A+ I am a Stranger Here Myself...........Bill Bryson.......................A+ The Handmaidens Tale.....................Mary Atwood..................A+ Couch...................................................Benjamin Parzybok.......A+ Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder....................Richard Louv................................A+

We Need to Talk About Kevin.........Lionel Shriver................A+ 2 Ears of Corn.....................................Roland Bunch....................A Namesake............................................Jhumpa Lahiri..................A In a Sunburned Country...................Bill Bryson........................A The Stories of Eva Luna....................Isabel Allende...................A

Daughter of Fortune..........................Isabel Allende..................A Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them..Al Franken.............A The Darwin Conspiracy.....................John Darnton...................A The Devil in the White City..............Erik Larson......................A Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows......J.K. Rowling...........A

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.....J.K. Rowling...........A Water for Elephants..........................Sara Gruen........................A Look Me in the Eye...........................John Elder Robison..........A Snow Flower and the Secret Fan....Lisa See..............................A The Alchemist....................................Paulo Coelho......................A

Labyrinth............................................Kate Mosse........................A The Shockwave Rider.......................John Brunner....................A The Places in Between......................Rory Stewart..................A- Into the Wild......................................Jon Krakauer..................A- The Worst Hard Time......................Timothy Egan..................A-

On Nature..........................................Editor: Lee Gutkind........A- Author and George...........................Julian Barnes....................A- The Mermaid Chair..........................Sue Monk Kidd................A- The Book of Useless Information...Noel Botham...................A- After the Wreck, I Picked Myself Up, Spread My Wings, and Flew Away.........................................Joyce Carol Oates............A-

Running with Scissors.....................Augusten Buroughs..........A- Gods Behaving Badly......................Marie Phillips...................A- The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy...Douglas Adams.....B+ The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.Douglas Adams.B+ Cesar's Way.....................................Cesar Milano......................B+

Life, the Universe and Everything...Douglas Adams...........B+ Marley and Me...................................John Grogan....................B Mango Elephants in the Sun............Susana Herrera.................B Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History..........................................Laurel Thatcher Ulrich........B Wherever You Go, There You Are......................................................Jon Kabat-Zinn................B

Hope, Human and Wild.....................Bill McKibben...................B Salt.......................................................Mark Kurlansky..............B Salt Dancers........................................Ursula Hegi......................B Old Mr. Flood.....................................Joseph Mitchell................B Hairstyles of the Damned................Joe Meno............................B

Mostly Harmless..............................Douglas Adams....................B The Loop...........................................Joe Coomer.......................B- The Island of Lost Maps.................Miles Harvey...................B- A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius...Dave Eggers..B-The Bitch Posse................................Martha O'Connor.............C+

Blue Latitudes..................................Tony Horwitz....................C+ Beauty and Sadness........................Yasunari Kawabata............C Cruddy..............................................Lynda Barry......................C Strange as the Weather Has Been..Ann Pancake.....................D At the Tomb of the Inflatable Pig...John Gimlette..................F

Dirty Old Man Ruins My Workday Mojo.

The last day or so has been quite productive. I’ve started working with the Education and Environmental funcionarios at the Muni to do an Environmental project with the schools. Today I got up early and wrote out a project plan for them at the office. Then I went to the grocery store.

On the way home from the grocery store there is a older man who is always sitting on his porch, sometimes chatting with a buddy, sometimes just hanging out by himself. I generally say hello to him as I pass down that street. He has never said anything rude to me and he is nice to the street dogs so I generally say hello to him as I pass down that street.

I was having a good day so when he started talking to me, more than just his usually hello, I decided to stop and chat when he waved me over.

The conversation was nice and normal at first. He speaks very clearly for a guy and knows a bit few words in several languages, which as entertaining. He didn’t act like a complete goob when I told him I’m a vegetarian, which was refreshing. All in all it was a nice little chat at first.

He did the standard calling my ‘Linda’ (which means pretty) instead of ‘Lyn’ which is annoying but harmless. After I mentioned I was a vegetarian he told me his refrigerator is full of good stuff and that I’m welcome to help myself at anytime. Not sketchy yet because Paraguayans are actually very hospitable.

Then he mentions multiple times how he lives there alone, and gives me a list of how pretty my eyes and hair, and lips, etc are. At this point we officially move out of normal highly complimentary conversation to icky icky ville. Then he starts mentioning how he likes me and could make me very happy. I tell him I have a boyfriend but he isn’t ruffled at all. He just how my boyfriend and I are a thing and he and I can be a seperate thing.

Great.

While we’re talking, I’m putting up roadblocks now that I realized what is going on. He jokes about he would ‘pegar’ me, it means hit literally but he was using it in a friendly ‘Oh I could just whack you for saying that’ kind of way. Fortunately he had been feeding a street dog some meat and hadn’t washed he hands so he only backhanded my leg once. And then he starts mentioning more and more about how he is alone in the house and inviting me in. At which point I say I need to put my vegetables from the grocery in the fridge so I need to go home. He ever the gentleman offers his fridge.

And I leave.

Ewy ewy ewy!!!

Ugg, he totally ruined my good day momentum from writing the project proposal that morning. And now I’m going to have to ignore him when I walk on that street because obviously giving him a polite hello is just too hot for him to handle. Thanks skeevy street man. Thanks a lot.

At least it didn’t rain today.